True transformation doesn’t begin with changing your habits—it begins with connecting to the reason you must change. — Nordine

There’s a reason why most people struggle to follow through with change. Whether it’s losing weight, getting fit, quitting bad habits, or simply trying to live more intentionally, success often slips through the cracks—not because people aren’t capable, but because they’re chasing goals that don’t come from the core of who they are.

Beth came to my office looking for help losing weight. Like many others, she said she wanted to drop thirty pounds. When I asked why, her response was simple: she wanted to look better than her ex-husband’s new girlfriend and fit back into her favorite jeans. Understandable reasons—but not sustainable ones.

As we talked, she repeated over and over, “I’m overweight,” reinforcing the very identity she wanted to escape. I handed her the list where I tallied each time she had said it. She was shocked. But I wasn’t. This was the language she had been using to program her mind—and her body was just obeying.

Then I asked Beth to dig deeper. What did she really want? Not just to look good—but to feel good. To be confident. To be a role model for her children. When we reached that level, something shifted. Her tears told me we had finally uncovered her core desire—the deeper emotional truth that could fuel her transformation.

The Power of Core Desire

We all have goals. But goals without deep emotional resonance often fizzle out. Core desires, on the other hand, are different. They come from the heart, not just the ego. They connect to our values, our identity, and our longing for meaning.

In psychology, self-determination theory shows us that when a person’s motivation is intrinsic—when it’s aligned with who they are—they’re significantly more likely to succeed. This internal motivation is more powerful, sustainable, and transformative.

Beth’s breakthrough was a shift from appearance-based goals to identity-based goals. And once that shift happened, the weight came off—not because she tried harder, but because she finally aligned her actions with her authentic self.

Reclaiming Power by Reconnecting with Purpose

There’s a hidden power in aligning your daily actions with your deeper purpose. People often spend their lives chasing surface-level goals: a promotion, a perfect body, more followers on social media. But those things alone don’t fulfill us—they distract us from the real work, the inner work.

When you take the time to connect with your core desire, everything begins to shift. You stop asking, “How fast can I get there?” and start asking, “How deeply can I grow while I’m on this path?” And that changes everything.

Think about this: if your goal is to get fit and you believe the goal is only about the number on the scale, the moment that number stalls, so will your motivation. But if your true core desire is to be a vibrant, energetic role model for your kids, that desire will keep pulling you forward, no matter what obstacles come your way.

The truth is, the body will follow where the mind and spirit lead.

How to Break Free from the Illusion of “Shoulds”

One of the greatest obstacles between us and our true core desire is the mountain of “shoulds” we’ve inherited. “I should lose weight.” “I should make more money.” “I should be further along by now.” These statements are heavy with guilt, rooted in comparison, and disconnected from joy.

But real transformation never grows in the soil of shame.

When you’re living from “shoulds,” you’re building a life on someone else’s expectations. You’re climbing a ladder that may not even be leaning against the right wall. The problem? Even if you succeed, you won’t feel fulfilled—because you were never chasing what you truly wanted.

So here’s your permission: Drop the shoulds. Replace them with musts—those deeply personal, soul-anchored, non-negotiable truths that pull you toward a better version of yourself.

Beth didn’t succeed because someone told her she “should” lose weight. She succeeded because she realized she must reclaim her confidence, for her children and for herself.

The Identity Shift That Changes Everything

Change isn’t about forcing new behavior. It’s about becoming someone who naturally lives in alignment with their goals. That begins with an identity shift.

Instead of saying, “I’m trying to lose weight,” say, “I’m someone who honors my body.”
Instead of saying, “I want to be more productive,” say, “I’m someone who creates with intention.”
Instead of saying, “I need to be more disciplined,” say, “I’m someone who follows through.”

This isn’t wishful thinking. It’s neuroscience. Studies in behavioral science show that when we change our identity—even before our external reality catches up—we begin to act in accordance with that new identity. The brain starts rewiring itself to support who we believe we are.

It’s not about pretending. It’s about remembering who you really are beneath the noise.

Create an Environment That Supports Your Core Desire

You’ve likely heard the phrase: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” But it’s not just people. It’s habits. It’s routines. It’s your digital environment, your kitchen, your bedroom, your calendar.

If your environment is not aligned with your vision, your energy will be in constant conflict.

Ask yourself:

• Do the foods in my kitchen support the version of me I’m becoming?
• Does my social media feed inspire or drain me?
• Are my daily habits aligned with my highest self?

Small environmental shifts—like keeping your journal visible, scheduling workouts in your calendar, or decluttering your space—can create massive momentum. Because willpower is fragile, but structure is powerful.

10 Tips to Help You Identify and Live From Your Core Desire

1. Ask: “What do I really want to feel?”
   Not what you want to look like. Not what others expect. Ask what you long to feel.
2. Challenge Your Self-Talk
   The words you speak shape your reality. Speak as the person you are becoming.
3. Look Beyond the Surface Goals
   Ask yourself “Why?” five times. Go deeper until you uncover your emotional truth.
4. Visualize the Life You Want
   See it. Feel it. Then take one small step each day toward living it.
5. Make Your Core Desire Visible
   Post it somewhere you’ll see daily—mirror, journal, phone lock screen.
6. Align Your Actions with Your Identity
   Act as if the version of you who already achieved your goal is making your choices.
7. Replace Motivation with Commitment
   Don’t wait to feel ready. Decide. Then recommit daily.
8. Be Patient With the Process
   Progress is rarely linear. Consistency beats perfection every time.
9. Share Your Desire With Someone Who Supports You
   Tell someone who can keep you accountable with compassion.
10. Reflect Weekly on Progress
    Journal honestly. Reconnect with your why regularly to stay aligned.

The Research: Why This Works

A 2014 study published in Health Psychology found that people who tied their health goals to intrinsic values—such as autonomy, meaning, and self-worth—were significantly more successful in creating lasting change than those motivated by external rewards or appearance.

In addition, neuroscience confirms that goals connected to purpose and identity activate the brain’s reward centers more intensely than superficial goals. When your goal is emotionally compelling, your brain gets on board—and your behaviors follow.

Final Call to Action

Sit down today and reflect on the following questions:

• Why do I want to change?
• What do I want to feel as a result?
• What belief has been holding me back?
• What new belief will set me free?

Then say this aloud:
“I commit to aligning with my core desire. I trust the process. I am becoming who I was born to be.”

And if you want to go even deeper, tune into the No-Limits Life Podcast—available on all major platforms. I share stories, strategies, and soul-stirring reminders to help you align, rise, and thrive.

Because you weren’t meant to live a half-lit life.
You were meant to shine—with purpose, power, and peace.

Now go. Unleash the magic within.